My life… is a lie… my Soul… is not alive… My body…is all that’s left… there is no more me. I’m gone. I’ve been gone. There’s not a whole lot left. So how can you sit there and say that you can change me? What’s there to change? I told you… there is no more me. How can you say you see my soul alive…when I saw it run away? How can you say there is hope for me… when I know there’s nothing left? If I’m alive… then I’m living in hell. Pain has made me insane. Why does pain not leave? If it’s here to hurt me, then it surely did succeed. Because it’s grown inside of me to the point where I’ve become numb. But no, you don’t understand me, No one really understands, not even some. No one really understands even though they claim to “care”… but honestly how much more is it that I can bare? How do you help one that doesn’t want to breathe? How much pain can a person take???? How can such a horrible pain ameliorate? I Swear to God I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m loosing my mind, and I’m loosing my time. I suffer and I grieve. I can’t take it anymore. I really can’t. I’m actually hurt so much greater then I think, I’ve only gotten worse; I’ve with standed so much and I cover it so well…I don’t know how to get help. I have a mask on… and no one really knows what’s underneath. I’m afraid to take it off. What will people think? The smiles I give everyday… are just as fake as me. What you see is not the real me. You don’t know what I go through… and no I’ve never really shared. I’m scared… I just want to rest in peace…I really don’t know what to do. I have all these feelings and no way to get rid of them. I feel like I have nothing to live for…I have so many questions but no answers. I don’t know where or who to run to. I’m tired of life and all the hell it has put me through…But this is what God has destined for me… I just don’t think I can succeed.


~ by ongoingfaith on May 26, 2010.

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